Well, Hubbers is away for some work conferences this week and next and I am on my own – though he does get to come home for the weekend in between. I’m fighting a bit of a cold, so not at the top of my game and am also fighting something else – grumpiness!
Yesterday was a struggle to keep myself in line and I’ll admit, I did lose it a few times. Electric Lady seemed particularly eager to cause trouble. Nothing major, just little things, like getting Monkey Girl crying by telling her she is NOT a kitty, or sneaking a toy out to Chuck-E-Cheese, or telling me she needed a nap rather than to do homework.
I ended up lecturing her, then raising my voice at her and finally snapping at Mr. Hockey for interrupting while disciplining Electric Lady. By this point, I could tell my grumpiness was getting the better of me and not helping in the whole scheme of “get through the night, get better so tomorrow goes better.”
I’d like to say my whole attitude changed with my realization, but it didn’t. I still struggled with my parenting, I still spoke in a grumpy voice sometimes, but things did go better. When all was said and done, and all the kids were in bed, I went to get groceries while Big Guy watched the
TV… er kids. During this time to myself, I thought of all the things I could have said or did differently. I tend to beat myself up for mistakes I make and as I did, the thought “They are loved, they are cared for, they are okay” came to mind.
It took a bit, but finally it sunk in. It wasn’t okay to lose my cool, but we all do from time to time and as long as I continue trying with positive parenting, those occasions where I fall into negativity will just be small bumps on an otherwise smooth road.
Today will be a better day.